Skunk bites

Last night I met up with a friend and his visiting niece at the top of a cliff, overlooking the ocean. It was a beautiful, August evening. Chilly, but bearably so. And the view was gorgeous, as usual.

When we left, we met at our cars and talked for an hour or so…as we did, we saw maybe three to four skunks saunter out from the park and into the neighborhood. We held our breath, not wanting to disturb them. This is what lead to the dream.

In the dream I was in bed and a skunk crossed behind my head and climbed up onto my windowsill and tunneled behind the blinds. I was holding my breath, not wanting to startle him. I wanted to move, but I was tangled in the covers and so sleepy that I was having trouble fully waking up. Finally, I was able to scoot a tiny bit to my left, where my head made contact with something warm and fuzzy. I gingerly reached over and sure enough it was another skunk. My fingers curled around its muzzle as it rooted. I didn’t know what to do or how to get out of this. As I slowly removed my hand the skunk bit my index finger, hard, and I pulled it quickly away.

I think my dream self work up fully then, and began moving forward on the bed, pushing up with my elbows as I fought with the covers. That’s when the skunk fetuses dropped into my lap. I’m not sure how, but in my dream it made some kind of sense and I pushed at them. One of the fetuses fell on the floor and it was on.

The skunk at my side bit into me and the one in the window jumped on me and began biting and then others appeared and joined in. I was still stuck in the covers and still afraid of them spraying me. And I began to struggle and whimper…

And that’s when I woke up. I think I whimpered aloud, in the real world, and woke myself up.

I’m really having a hard time with this dreaming thing, and what’s up with the nightmare? God, I hate it. If someone had told me that meditation would unleash my dream state, I’m not sure I would have gone along with it. Now that it has, I wonder if it’s possible to bottle it up again.

Dreamy

I haven’t dreamed with any regularity since I was a pre-teen. It’s weird, I know, but that’s the way it is. I heard you go insane if you don’t dream, so in my vanity I assume I do dream but I just don’t remember them.

A couple weeks ago, the dreams returned.

I dream now, every night, and I have to admit that it’s rather disconcerting. Not because they’re nightmares, but because the dream state is so unfamiliar to me. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.

This most definitely is a side effect of the success of my meditating. I’m sure it’s good for me, probably the most concrete evidence that the meditation is “working”, but still, I find it unsettling.

I know I’ll get used to it, but in the meantime I’ll just have to deal with that moment of wooziness as I exit one world and enter another.

Meditation also promises insight and enhanced creativity among other things. Those are more to my liking!

Managing the down time

As some of you know, I’ve been working on programming during my unemployment. I’ve also been working on me, trying to learn to relax and let go and manager my problems with meditation. They’re both going well, despite my innate impatience, but one thing still is kind of vexing.

Having fun.

I waste a lot of time not having fun…mainly, because I don’t have money. But here I am, in San Francisco, living right across the street from Golden Gate Park, and I’m not taking advantage of all the low cost, fun, amazing things in my own backyard. So yesterday I decided to do something about it. I’m going to make sure that this time of unemployment isn’t wasted. In fact, tomorrow I’m going to the SF MOMA, as the first Tuesday of the month is FREE day!!! Just missed the FREE day for the Asian Art Museum (first Sunday of the month), so I’ve put it on my calendar for next month. Really, there’s so much to do it’s silly not to.

From here on out, being laid off is going to be an adventure.

A Tale of Two Footers

I have two e-mail footers; one is a staid woodcut with address and a link to my business site, the other is a doodle, like the ones on this blog, with a link to this page. For business correspondence and job hunting I always use the business footer. Right before I click send, I select my business account which magically switches the footer and return e-mail address.

I always do this.

Except when I don’t.

Last night I got an email from an employer, stating that they received over 200 applications for their contract copy writing position, and after going through them all, they selected a few people who they wanted to speak with. I was one of them.

What surprised me most of all is the fact that this was one of those rare (though not as rare as I’d like) instances where I clicked “Send” and simultaneously sucked in a breath, realizing I hadn’t changed the footer!

I thought, oh well, I won’t be hearing from that one. Afterall, what an unprofessional presentation! And a link to my blog rather than my business web site?

So when I received the email last night, it got me thinking.

Recruiters are people. And like all people they are curious. And when bombarded with one business-savvy resume after another, well, they all begin to look the same. Sure, backgrounds are important, but when many of the applicants have the minimal requirements, how do you really select among them?

Maybe, I’m thinking, that’s what happened here. Maybe, as the recruiter shuffled through the stack of virtual applicants, mine had a face. Okay, not exactly my face, but a face nonetheless. I use the term face both figuratively and broadly; to mean that the recruiter knew a little bit more about who I am, based on my footer/blog, than he did about most of the other applicants.

Maybe he just liked my doodle.

It’s hard to say, but in this amazingly difficult time at job hunting, maybe it’s time to add a hint of personality to our staid business presentations. Maybe we shouldn’t be afraid of “who” we are beyond the experience and the degrees. After all, in every interview I’ve ever been in, I’ve felt that “who” I was played as much of a part in the decision-making process as “what I’ve done”. Maybe, at that stage of the game, more. So maybe it would be wise to drop a hint or two, in ever business solicitation, about who the person is doing the solicitation.

I don’t know for sure, but over the last few years, more than once I’ve felt that it’s the non-professional stuff that has made all the difference. I’m not advocating you lay out your life story, but a little glimpse at the person behind the words.

Post Meditation Bliss

I just finished my meditation for this morning, and when I opened my eyes, this is what I saw. My forever fighting cats, snuggled together, enjoying the warmth of each other like they used to do before the fighting began a couple years ago. Now, they pretty regularly groom each other, but it’s fleeting and usually results in hissing and occasional swats. I haven’t seen them like this in a long, long time.

Whenever I meditate, Cougar is attracted and comes and sits in my lap. It’s like he’s attracted to my calm. So this morning, after my phone interview, I began my morning meditation, and sure enough, Cougar showed up. I gently petted him as I continued to meditate. A couple minutes later, he left…I was focused inward, and didn’t realize he was only a foot away, snuggling with his brother. Nice way to begin the day…

Man, I need a better camera on my phone.

Interview with theEmployer

After about a month of nothing, finally, I've got a "real" interview lined up for tomorrow. Am I looking forward to it? You bet. And I hate interviews as much as the next guy. Move, actually. But the the job, through an agency, sounds interesting.

Training materials and tech docs.

I haven't really written any coursework aside from my time as a teacher, that is, which shouldn't be underestimated in this market. It's something I believe I have an affinity for.

Now I just need to convince a couple professional. of this. And the CEO, who I meet with later in the afternoon.

And I realize, more than anything else, they'll be interviewing me.

Not the writer, the former teacher, nor my technology knowledge.

Me. The person. How I will present their company, how jovial, how flexible, how human.

I'm good at human. Really. I am.

Graduation Day!

Sunny and 85

We had a very sunny day today…and it hit 85 degrees, which, for SF, is a serious heat wave. Should be back to around 71 tomorrow, which is just about where it’s supposed to be.

I was working, sitting in front of my window this afternoon and took this snapshot with the Web cam. Hmm. Even my Web cam doesn’t know how to act when it get’s this bright and sunny in the city.

Beginning week 8…

Just began the last week of The 8 Minute Meditation…this week, we combine some of the things we learned during the previous 7 weeks. Also working in breathing meditations via The Meditation Podcast, so I’m upping my daily meditation to 30 minutes whenever possible.

I am my father’s son

He made me this way.

You see, my dad didn’t believe in giving up. He didn’t believe in failure. He didn’t believe in “can’t”. So when I went to him with a question, his response was always something along the lines of “sound it out”, even when the ‘e’ was silent. So I did, and in the process, I learned not to ask questions. To depend on no one but myself.

So I spent most of the weekend struggling with my C++ homework. It was grueling. It was painful. It was confusing, and 10 hours in, I was no closer to ‘done’ than when I’d begun. So I went to class today, empty-handed. Oh, I had my assignment, but it was about 50% complete, and that 50% didn’t work.

And I was ready for my ‘F’ on the assignment, because I’d done my best and failed (dad also instilled the importance of doing one’s best – if you had, you had nothing to feel bad about). Anyway, it turned out that many many students were just as confused as I was and sent the instructor emails asking questions. So he gave us a little more instruction today and gave us another day to complete the project.

Lucky? Yeah, real lucky. It’s still not gonna be easy, but tonight, before I close my eyes, I’ll be able to do so knowing I have either come up with the result or come damn close.

I need to get over my inability to ask for help. I really do.